The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
