If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
