my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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