Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
