you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
