I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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