It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
