actually, I'm a sock model
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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