Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
