my mouth tastes like poor choices
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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