i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
