even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
