I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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