When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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