This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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