I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
