I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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