peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
