I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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