Who did Billy Mays play for?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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