my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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