How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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