Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
