I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
