dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
