Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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