You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
