Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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