Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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