toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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