if you like me you must not know who I am
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
