Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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