I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
