I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
