and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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