Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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