Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
