Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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