Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want nice things and good sex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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