Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
