i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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