Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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