I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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