i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
