is your mom at the bar?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
