Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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