dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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