Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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