The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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