dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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